Jilly14

Hi ladies! I was doing some thinking earlier. Although it is not a concern I have right now since I do not have children and it will probably be a few years before I do, I was wondering about something.

My boyfriend and I were talking about our relationships with food, and how they may have started with childhood. We had very different upbringings as far as food is concerned, but are both struggling with our weight now.

I have 3 siblings, so there were 6 of us in a small-ish sized house. My parents definatly struggled with money growing up but they hid it well. I remember as a kid my mom used to make EVERYTHING homemade–now that I’m older I know it was probably in an effort to save money. Those packaged bags of chips and cupcakes are expensive!  But when you’re a kid, junk food is your life–you WANT the packaged doritos and fruit snacks like your friends have.  I remember it almost being a source of embarrassment for me. But my parents did what they could and now that I am older, I have such a different perspective on it.  

However, it makes me think about how something like that can establish your relationship with food at an early age. Because my siblings and I were never allowed packaged junk food, sweetened cereals, etc….we wanted them!  Whenever we would go to my Grandmothers or a friends house we would gorge ourselves with packaged junk foods! It became something forbidden which made us want them more.  And since my parents were fairly health oriented, we also only had desserts on special occasions. Which on one hand kept us all slim, but on the other hand, taught me from a young age that junk food and desserts are treats, rewards, and something to covet.–unfortunatly this thought process has continued with me into adulthood.  So of course when I got to an age where I went away to college and made my own food choices….I bought all the junk I wanted…because now I could!  

My boyfriend on the other hand was an only child. His entire family is overweight (and many of them are very obese). To his mom, food=love. She bought all the candy, fudge, chips, etc…in the world and as a kid-of course he ate them!  However, while I was a skinny, active kid–he was a little bit chunky. But now that he’s older, he craves junk food less than me but at least he doesn’t put it up on a pedestal like I do….it’s not a reward or something forbidden like it always was for me.

So which method is better? I’m wondering…how do you Mommy’s out there teach YOUR children good habits? It seems to me (and certainly all we were taught in my developmental nutrition courses) that keeping junk out of the house is the way to go. Pack your kids full of wholesome, nutritious homemade foods and they will learn healthy habits. But….that’s how I was raised, and I grew up with an unhealthy desire for junk since I was denied it as a kid.   But the other extreme is to fill your house with junk and they get used to seeing it around, but probably overindulge.

Do any of you have any tips, thoughts, or stories of how YOU grew into your relationship with food?

I hope you are all doing well….lots of love!

I am sick, sick, sick!

I know it’s that time of year…so no choice but to just drink fluids, sleep, and try to get rid of this.  I hope you are all doing well and are keeping to your healthy habits. I know I can’t always get on here nearly as much as I want to, and don’t get a chance to read as many blogs as I would like at all, but I want you to know that you all inspire me to be better, and I wish you the very best.

Off to bed!!  

Went to Tony’s family’s for the weekend, but as usual ate like shit all weekend and now I’m hoping to diffuse some of the damage that I’ve caused. I didn’t want to step on the scale since I’m sure I’ve gained back a little bit of weight and don’t want to discourage myself, so I’m gonna take another week to hopefully do some damage control (between the junk his family eats and my love for an evil little place named “cracker barrel” I’ll plan to weigh myself next weekend instead. I ate pretty well yesterday and today and went to the gym today too.  

On another note, I’ve strarted using a face tanning lotion and I think it makes a difference. I tend to look a little sickly without some color, but had a skin-cancer scare once so I’m terrified to go tanning.  So I’ve started using some Jergens face lotion and it does work, but I feel like it’s got a weird scent to it….has anybody used this stuff before that they feel works, but doesn’t smell funky?

Hope your all doing well. Lots of love!

but I still think it for some reason and I honestly don’t understand my thought process on this one.

Today I was doing some weights/strength training and have been noticing lately that my body in general, but especially my arms are getting more solid and I can actually see some muscle tone now. Good news since before I started exercising and eating better the adjective I would have used most for my body was: smushy–not a sexy description.

Sleek and sexy arm muscles has always been a goal of mine, but at the same instant that I was all excited about my newly toned arms, I felt depressed too! I know I’m not going to explain this clearly, because it doesn’t make sense to me, but it was almost like I was sad that I was getting sexy arms because they wouldn’t last? And then I had to ask myself…why do I feel like that?  Do I not think I’ll be sticking with this, and shouldn’t even bother trying? Because I DON’T think that….but maybe subconsciouly I do? I don’t understand! I should be HAPPY about these changes right?

It’s really strange because even while I’m thinking about it now, and trying to put words to this– it’s a bittersweet feeling for me. I know I’m making progress and I should be feeling excited to make even more progress….It only stands to reason that if I keep it up, that my body will get even more toned–so why does a part of me feel sad about it?  It makes no sense!  Has this ever happened to anyone else???

I miss running!

I know, I know…last person ever to utter those words once upon a time. Up until about 3 months ago, I was 100% against running. Exercising? sure. But never running.  In October I joined a bootcamp course at work, and had to face the embarrassment that I couldn’t keep up with the other girls and was out of breath very quickly compared to everyone else. And I was maybe 20 years old than some of the people in the course!

I just sat down and cried.

I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t finish the bootcamp course because I was too embarrassed.  But the next day I went to the gym and timed how long I could jog without of breath and having to stop. I lasted not quite 4 mintues.  But I kept it up, and now I run 30 minutes almost everyday. Honestly, not because I love it, but because I’m just so glad that I can actually DO it now, and I’m terrified that if I don’t keep it up that I won’t be able to. But I must have overdone it because my left leg has been bothering me for about 2 weeks now, and there’s no way I can run. I’ve gotten so used to running everyday that I don’t feel like my day is complete and gotten a good workout without it. I’ve been doing the elliptical or the bike and weights still, but running kicks my ass everytime and I guess I just don’t feel like I’m exercising without it and I really miss it!  But I’m taking it easy so I don’t make it worse.

 So Today:

Healthy low cal breakfast, lunch AND dinner, and I didnt’ get to go to the gym because I had to work through my lunch, but I’ll be doing weights and strength training while watching the biggest loser. (I”m incapable of NOT exercising during that show…it just makes me feel lazy. I also always do the amount of pushups that the contestants lose. I know…I’m such a dork).

 So overall I’d give myself a grade of A for the day. I hope you all had a happy and healthy day as well. Lots of love!

Okay, well everyone who read my last blog knows that I’m trying to make myself feel more accountable (thanks Tanya!) by giving a daily update even if nobody reads it.  Because you guys are really my biggest support system and I don’t think I can do it without you!  I’ts only been one day, but I think it might be working already since knowing I had to come home to do this today is what got me off my ass and down to the gym on my lunch break.

 So….here goes. I won’t bore with the details, but breakfast and lunch were both healthy and low-cal, hit the gym elliptical and did some weight weights and then…..dun, dun, dun!!! (evil suspensful music) dinner came.

Tony and I had to run a few errands after work, and were planning to just stop by Subway on the way home, but then we passed Applebees which we never usually go to, but Tony suggested going and once an idea is in my head that involves food + I’m hungry =no willpower. So to Applebees we went!  I ended up with a diet coke, a few boneless buffalo wings, a cheeseburger, and a shot glass full of key lime pie. Luckily at some point I had enough sense to toss out the bun, and sub a salad for the fries.

 Overall I’d say:  healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, gym visit, and shit dinner:

 I’d give myself a grade of C for the day.                                                                                What do you guys think? Hope your’e all doing well and I’ll be back on tomorrow night!  

My last post was a little bit sad…I was feeling very discouraged and I don’t often get like that. But alot of you wrote on it and gave me support and it really helped! Of course, that’s the whole point of buddyslim! I’m taking some of the suggestions that were given to me, and one of them was from my buddy Tanya which is to see about writing a blog everynight, even if it’s just a few sentences to make me feel like I’m held accountable. And I think that’s a really good idea.

I don’t have a ton of support in my weight loss efforts outside of this site and my boyfriend. My family is very close and I love them all to death, my sisters especially can be a little competitive, so I’m kind of being quiet about my new changes. This isn’t a game or a competition to me. I have health issues from my being overweight (high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and I’m on diabetes medication right now as well). So losing 40 pounds to me isn’t all about trying to get back into a bikini–though that would be nice lol! But I NEED to do this for my health. I think maybe that my sisters have some self-esteem issues at this point because everyone in my family could stand to lose some weight, and I think they would try to undermine my efforts if they knew–I’m sure it wouldn’t be on purpose, but I know them, and I’ve seen them subconsciously try to make themselves feel better by brining others down a bit.   Unfortunatly the two girls I work closely with are the same way, so sometimes I feel like I’m kind of alone in this other than my boyfriend, and my buddies on here.

So it’s sad that I have to keep my new healthy habits a bit of a secret, or at least I don’t talk about my changes to anyone except you guys, but I’m afraid if I ‘go public’ with it that I’ll be the recipient of a little bit of sabotage, and I think it’s dumb, but it happens.

So in any case (kinda started rambling in an unexpected direction there…)  I’m going to be taking Tanya’s advice and writing a quick blog every evening to feel accountable to SOMEONE because right now it’s just me and sometimes that’s not enough.  I apologize in advance for what is sure to be some occasional boring posts, but you gotta do what you gotta do right?  And I’ve noticed that alot of my buddies who make really good progress post everyday (Holly, Nancy, Tanya, Jen, Becky….I’m sure there are more of you).

So here goes…wish me luck all and I’ll be back on tomorrow night to let you know how I did!  lots of love, Jill

Yeah–I talk the talk, but I don’t walk the walk. I always tell people that when they slip up to not get down on themselves, and just remind themselves that it’s persistence and not perfection and to stay the course. And I think that’s really true, but that’s easier to say than to do because I am pissed at myself lately!

Here is what I’ve noticed over the last few months….I can follow my diet and exercise plan pretty well for 2 weeks. Then the third week something goes wrong. I don’t know what it is but all of a sudden I’ll just lose all motivation. I am unable to force myself to the gym as much as I know I should go I just find excuses to get out of it and I don’t even care.  Same with eating…I start craving pizza and candy, and everything else I try not to eat too much of, and I just stop caring and eat whatever I want!  WHY do I do this to myself?!! This always lasts for about a week, and then I get so grossed out with myself and frustrated and by the end of the week I’ve renewed my resolve and the cycle begins again. And the stupidest part is that I know that third week is coming and I can feel my motivation waning, and I don’t even try to stop it!  What is wrong with me?!  It’s like two steps forward and one step back.

I try to stay positive along the way and I’m still working toward my goal and won’t give up, but I’m pretty frustrated with this behavior and I really don’t know why I do it or how to stop it. It happens everytime and is totally undermining my weight loss efforts. It’s completely my fault and I have nobody to blame for this self-defeating behavior but myself.

I welcome any ideas/advice because I’m really at a loss right now….

Hey ya’ll–hope your’e doing well!  Things have been okay for me except on the job front lately (I won’t really get into it but suffice it to say that my company is defiantely taking advantage of the fact that the economy is bad and seeing just how far they can push us since they know there’s nowhere to go–they’re pretty much doing away with my department and sending me back to my old position, and I’m being told ‘it’s a promotion!’–no…it’s really not). Other than the stress from that though, things are good. 

Had a scare the other day since my boyfriend was in Cincinnatti this week for work and had a flight out of Laguardia in NY, at the same time that plane crash from Laguardia happened with the bird that got stuck in the engine….did anyone hear about that?  I know it’s possible, but it’s crazy that a bird can take down a plane.  Anyhow, I was scared to death that it was his flight, but it was another one. And thank God nobody was killed.

 The diet is going okay. Not losing weight as quickly as I’d like, but I’m sticking with it. However, I wanted to know if this has happened to anyone else?  I went to the gym the other day and I usually run for half and hour, but my leg had been bothering me after running the day before so I figured I would take it a little easy. I did the ellipical and the bike for 15 minutes each on light settings, and then got ready to go. My gym is at my work, so I work out on my lunch break, take a quick shower and run back to my desk. Well when I got back to my desk I realized my hands were shaking like crazy!  I could NOT get them to calm down. They probably shook for about an hour.  Has this ever happened to anyone?? Any ideas what the deal is?

Iv’e been told I’m prediabetic and I take medicine for high blood sugar so I figured maybe my blood sugar was low and that’s why my hands shook?  It was odd to me because I ate my lunch at the same time as usual and actually had a less strenuous workout, but this is the first time this has happened to me. So I ate a bunch of crackers and it eventually subsided. I’m assuming that’s what it was caused from, but I better watch it from now on I think… 

I tend to get hungry after working out….and I’m trying to watch my calories so I want to eat fruit, string cheese, etc….to keep the cal. count low, but I really just don’t feel full unless I eat some carbs. Does anyone have some good after-workout snacks that they recommend?

Hope everyone is doing well, and enjoying the weekend. Happy Martin Luther King Day!!

My collarbones!!  I have not seen my collarbones in years now so this is an exciting development because it means that even though the scale is not moving as much as I would like it to, that I AM making progress.  I have also started seeing some definition in my arms too which is awesome. (Don’t get me wrong, I do unfortunatly still have that little flap that likes to keep waving goodbye long after the rest of me has) but I’m getting a little closer to the ‘gun show’ so I’m pumped!

I’ve been getting frustrated lately because I feel like I have lost weight, and when I look in the mirror my body looks smaller. My boyfriend says he thinks I’ve lost, and my clothes feel a smidgen looser, but the scale is really not doing much. And really, unless the scale shows progress, I guess I feel like I haven’t actually lost. I need validation from that stupid piece of metal which is so dumb. But one thing I don’t want to do is be like my mom (sorry mom). She has been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. But she gives up so easily. If she eats something she shouldn’t or has a slip-up over the holidays or something she just says ‘oh forget it–why even bother?’ and stops. Even as a kid I was like….’that’s dumb’.  I will not be like that. I’ve eaten things I shouldn’t, and I’ve stopped exercising for a few days at a time, and over the holidays….well, we won’t discuss that.But I continually repeat my little mantra ‘persistence. NOT perfection’. And I WILL get there. It may be slowly, but I’ll am going to reach my goal of 130.  And when that day comes and my mom asks me how I did it, I’ll tell her that she doesn’t have to exercise and eat perfectly every meal, every day. She just can’t give up and stop trying.

On another note:  I know I haven’t been on bs as much as I usually am, and it’s because things have gotten kinda busy lately, and I was getting home after work and trying to be sure I read every one of my buddies new blogs (that’s why I’ve been keeping my buddy amount somewhat low. I would rather be a good buddy to a few people, than a crappy buddy to a lot of people), and sending boosters to everyone, and as much as I have come to love my buddies and being a member of this group, being sure I got to everyone was starting to feel more like an obligation that I was stressing about getting done before bed, rather than a positive tool to help myself and others in our weight loss journeys.

One of my new year’s resolutions was to try not to take things so seriously, and be so hard on myself. So I just wanted my little ‘core’ group of buddies to know that I really appreciate all your support and to please forgive me if I’m not on here as much as before. I think bs has been a HUGE help to me, and I want to thank all of you for being there–love you all!!